How To Give Up

Giving up is a part of life. There are a bunch of ways to achieve it. Sometimes you need to do it formally in writing, other times you need to voice it out verbally, but also, you could just make a mental note to seal the deal, “it’s not worth it. I give up”. Whatever way you choose is valid.

It is something we have all done at some point in our lives. Sure, it is the last thing we want to do (doesn’t rank so low for some people though), but there comes a time in any endeavor where one judges a situation as best as he can, and comes to a decision that no additional effort could change the fortune of the outcome. Hence, the only thing left is to resign all hope and call it a day.

It is interesting to note that although giving up is more common to humans than anyone would care to admit, not everyone really puts much thought into all it entails. There are more factors at play than we are generally aware of when throwing in the towel. You know that saying, “if you are going to give up, you might as well give it your best!” Fine, you got me. I made that up.

Losing hope

The thing about giving up is for it to happen, as a general principle, Hope needs to exit the scene. Hope is such a big deal! Where would we be without hope? It is that one singular friend left when tragedy strikes, doom hovers or chaos is breaking all around us. It whispers, “everything will be fine”. And to most, that’s all they need to keep going. To arrive at a point where there is no hope left, now that is tragic.

No matter. If the goal is to give up, one would have to be comfortable losing hope. Then make room for despondency to join the bandwagon as well. As delicate as this arrangement is, one must approach it with gusto and heart because, when you give up, you admit your limitation and accept the terms for a hostile takeover by fate. What adventure! Whatever happens, happens and that’s that.

Ideology

To give up like a pro, one would have to think of the best ideology to approach the subject with. There are those who must give up because they have done the best they could, given the tools and resources at their disposal. There are others who must give up because they are forced to given their lowly status in society and their limited reach to set goals. Still, there are those who give up not for limitations by status or any limitations whatsoever, but their own lack of imagination paired with a lacklustre attitude to anything that involves self-application, grit and diligence.

To whatever category one falls under, two popular options are made available: live to fight another day or change course.

The former is less likely to be an option to most when they have arrived at the decision to throw in the towel. To live to fight another day implies that hope is still alive albeit only a flicker. It also means that they are either made up of more than they know or they just don’t let frustration get the better of them. Impressive as all that might be, this isn’t the winning attitude to approach giving up. I would suggest a return to the drawing board and a recalibration of the whole effort.

Then we have the latter who arrive at that juncture and decide to change course. These are the rational, empirical, intellectual ones. They hit a dead end, assess the situation and see no harm to their goals but a mere blockade. So, they review and re-strategize. Ultimately, they are soon back up on their feet to pursue their objective using a different route.

Again people, remember that I’m trying to give a lesson on how to give up. If that is still your objective, I suggest a third ideology; Doomsday. Weep for the dream shattered. Mourn for the irreversible setback and misfortune. Cry and swing your arms in hysteria. Don’t make any attempt to get back up on your feet, the ground is really comfortable if you give it a chance. Lastly, let self-pity envelope you until you feel comforted. It’s just a dream that died. There will be many more chances to try other things in the future. And give up on them too.

Ethics and morality

Sometimes, we are not fortunate to be our own boss or even, to be without anyone who cares enough whether we succeed or fail. That means we are accountable to someone, be it a superior at work or someone we love or care about. This is instructive to whether we can give up or not.

At work, motivation could stand in the way of giving up. Employers know that all too well hence, they adhere to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It dictates that all humans have certain needs through which they are motivated. At work, those needs could translate to a good pay, pay raise, promotion which equals upward mobility and status, emotional and psychological needs as well. All they want is to keep you from giving up! The crooks.

Now, if one were to get disillusioned about all these means for motivation at work, he is reminded that it is against professional ethics to throw in the towel on a project that means a lot to his employer. So ethically, one cannot give up on anything work related unless his employer approves of it. The question is, why should ethics stop you from giving in to the seduction of just giving up?!

It is ethically wrong to give up on work while benefitting from it and, it is morally wrong to indulge in subterfuge or sabotage because the lure of giving up is stronger than the incentive to push ahead. A conundrum. The problem is further compounded if you in fact, want to remain employed to keep enjoying all those benefits.

Stop being so downcast. I have a way out. When faced with such a dubious challenge, it is my strong advice that you pay the ultimate price of screwing with both ethics and morality by giving up on the idea of giving up. Bam! No one would be the wiser. You keep your job, your nice car, all the attached benefits and still walk away from walking away and get away with it.

Same goes for anyone you hold in any high regard. Anyone whose approval — or disapproval in this case — would injure you if you were to contemplate giving up on anything of importance. My advice is simply this: when faced with the all so strong urge to give up, first ask if it is ethically and (or) morally wrong. If the answers to those are in the affirmative, ask further if you can afford to lose all benefits in the event you walk away. If the answer is no, I would suggest you stick to my earlier prescription: give up on giving up and celebrate your cleverness. God knows you have earned it.

Timing

It is prudent to always consider time in planning for anything. Is there ever a good time to give up? I suppose not. However, taking into cognizance the unpredictable nature of shit going sideways at the most inopportune times, I reckon that anytime at all is good enough to give up.

Now, the thing to consider when timing your towel-throwing-moment is the line of events surrounding such a joyous occasion and the likelihood of this moment altering anything of importance. For instance, if you mean to give up on giving a rousing speech to soldiers going to war due to stage fright, poor preparation or just because you feel it isn’t appropriate for an anti-war advocate to rally the troops and send them into battle. Whatever the excuse might be. If you consider it and think about how your failure to give that speech cascades into the soldiers losing morale, getting beat at the war front, dying and last but not least, losing the war, then perhaps you would have a rethink.

The goal of giving up as I have tried to advocate, is to let yourself down. You know, let yourself down. Into the warm embrace of self-pity, self-loathing, and the cuddles of despondency. It becomes very serious when it affects other people. Casualties are not okay! Give up, but not at the expense of others. Show up, time your impulse to self-destruct just right about the time after you have discharged your duty to others. Then, give up on something else on your way home. Your country would never forget your sacrifice.

My people have a saying in Pidgin English, na who give up fuck up. Simply put, they mean to give up on anything is a big no. Easy for them to say. Nigerians are known to be a very resilient people. I’m pretty sure resilience however, has no business being in an article about giving up. So, pretend you didn’t see this. Unto the next.

Perspective

Just before I conclude. I would like you to know that sometimes, it isn’t just you that would want to give up on something. A lot of people around us at any given time, are grappling with a lot of issues to which they might entertain the idea of capitulating to defeat and just walk away. It behooves us, those of us who are now armed with the proper process to give up, to guide them.

Hold someone by the hand and let them know that you know how hard it is to arrive at this humbling point. Offer words of comfort telling them just how easier it is to hand in the whistle, walk away and eat lots of comfort food at home with lots and lots of wine. We have to be there for each other. After all, Ravi Zacharias rightly said, “You will never lighten any load until you feel the pressure in your own soul”.

In conclusion, one of my favorite sayings is, “go big or go home”. I’ll like to say that for the purpose of this guide, I’d choose to go home. But that wouldn’t be true. Life comes hard at us sometimes. The pressure to do the right thing, at the right time and succeed is a continuous build up. It can get overwhelming pretty easily. It is important however, to remember why we are doing anything at any given time. If the purpose or goal is worth it, I say go big! It is okay to choose your battles. If you must give up, don’t make a habit of it.

I have considered all the evidence in support to how easy it is to lay down and let the fight in one just go. I am convinced that that isn’t the path for me. I sincerely hope that you don’t go down that path either.